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 LAUGHTER REALLY is THE BEST MEDICINE! Try it and see!!

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Sam
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Number of posts : 302
Age : 27
Location : Not in the Same place to long
Registration date : 2008-01-06

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Rank: 14
Main Affiliation: Student
Skill points:
1947/10000  (1947/10000)

PostSubject: Re: LAUGHTER REALLY is THE BEST MEDICINE! Try it and see!!   Wed Dec 17, 2008 4:46 pm

Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.

The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?

Is it........

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."

"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...

No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.

Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."

(ringing)

Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."

Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.

The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."

Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush"

Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."

Barbara: "You think?"

Maggie: "I'm sure."

Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)

Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."

Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

(clapping)

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."
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Sam
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Number of posts : 302
Age : 27
Location : Not in the Same place to long
Registration date : 2008-01-06

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Rank: 14
Main Affiliation: Student
Skill points:
1947/10000  (1947/10000)

PostSubject: Re: LAUGHTER REALLY is THE BEST MEDICINE! Try it and see!!   Wed Dec 17, 2008 4:53 pm

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
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Sam
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Student
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Female
Number of posts : 302
Age : 27
Location : Not in the Same place to long
Registration date : 2008-01-06

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Rank: 14
Main Affiliation: Student
Skill points:
1947/10000  (1947/10000)

PostSubject: Re: LAUGHTER REALLY is THE BEST MEDICINE! Try it and see!!   Wed Dec 17, 2008 4:55 pm

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
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Tristan
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Number of posts : 482
Location : Being THE Second Place Prize
Registration date : 2007-12-12

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1148/10000  (1148/10000)

PostSubject: Re: LAUGHTER REALLY is THE BEST MEDICINE! Try it and see!!   Mon Jan 12, 2009 6:36 am

>
>
> A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a
> book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little
> boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who
> was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.' The little
> boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like
> that.' The priest looked up from his book and
> answered, ''I am the Father of many.' The boy
> said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two
> grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that
> way!' The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am
> the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his
> book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while,
> then leaned over and said, ' Maybe you should wear a
> condom and put your pants on backwards instead of your
> collar.'
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Tristan
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Number of posts : 482
Location : Being THE Second Place Prize
Registration date : 2007-12-12

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Rank: None
Main Affiliation: Student
Skill points:
1148/10000  (1148/10000)

PostSubject: Re: LAUGHTER REALLY is THE BEST MEDICINE! Try it and see!!   Tue Jan 27, 2009 4:56 am

> >
> > Priest's Retirement Dinner
> > A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25
> > years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the
> > congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little
> > speech at the dinner.
> >
> > However, he was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own
> > few words while they waited:
> > 'I got my first impression of the parish from the first
> > confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible
> > place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had
> > stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to
> > lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled
> > from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal
> > drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled.
> > But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all
> > like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving
> > people.'...
> >
> > Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived
> > full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the
> > presentation and gave his talk:
> >
> > 'I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived,'
> > said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honor of being the first person
> > to go to him for confession.'
> >
> >
> > Moral : Never, Never, Never Be Late
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Tristan
Faculty
Faculty
avatar

Male
Number of posts : 482
Location : Being THE Second Place Prize
Registration date : 2007-12-12

Permanent Record
Rank: None
Main Affiliation: Student
Skill points:
1148/10000  (1148/10000)

PostSubject: Re: LAUGHTER REALLY is THE BEST MEDICINE! Try it and see!!   Thu Mar 05, 2009 8:27 am

I,_________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

Glass of wine
Chocolate
Margarita
Sex
New shoesCold Beer
Lobster
Shrimp
Sex
Mexican food
French fries
Pizza
Ice cream
Sex
Pasta
SEX
.....
it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, let the 'fat lady sing,' and call it a day!
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